LANGUAGE USE HERE WHICH IRKS MY EARS:    The made up word Efforting. I am starting to hear CNN reporters [not their British superstar and new CBE Christiane Amanpour of course] telling viewers, “We are efforting to get more details.” What?! Since the hideous creation “efforting” means exactly the same as “trying” and has one more syllable not useful in fast-paced news, what is the point? I am efforting to hope its usage won’t catch on. Submit British-Florida items for this column by email only. You must sign submissions with name/city/daytime phone number.

BRITISH ACTORS ARE PROLIFERATING on American TV,  you’ve doubtless noticed, especially in sitcoms. Commenting on that, the Miami Herald’s TV critic said US networks must like Brits because they work cheap. Bloody nerve. It’s because our actors are brilliant, not bargain-basement. [To underscore our appeal, American pin up Jessica Simpson told the UK press she was fascinated by actor Jude Law because “ the way his British accent makes his mouth move really turns me on. “ Quite.

LANGUAGE USE HERE WHICH IRKS MY EARS: Redundancies. >Why do Americans say horseback riding, instead of horse riding? Pray what other part of a horse can you ride? Why do they say they were snow skiing, instead of just skiing? One first assumes on snow, not water.


ALSO:    There’s a famous British pub in Florida which I won’t name, because I’ve met and like the owner.   Anyway, they take a huge fullpage ad out in the UK Mail on Sunday, offering a free half pint off with ad. A half pint??!! Who would show themselves up with such stinginess in an international publication? I know we Brits have a reputation for being parsimonious but this ad has made me chuckle for the last two years.    Every issue I look to see if it’s been changed to the ONE FREE DRINK, standard in Florida’s bar ads. Let’s see if somebody does, after this column.
  ENGLISH LANGUAGE USE here which irks my ears :   That everybody now has not problems, concerns or challenges, but only ISSUES, as in: “He has issues with alcohol.” It’s not wrong—just so universally pervasive and hackneyed, that it jars. That’s what I take issue [!] with. ORLANDO The British Supermarket [407] 370-2023, a soopa--doopa place to get your UK goodies, has a new owner. Julie Patterson, I wish you well in your new venture. 
In June 2004, when I urged Florida’s thousands of British-Americans to vote, so they could boot out You Know Who, I received the most vicious hate mail from an elderly American lady Bush-supporter, ordering me to go back home. Missing the point that this IS my home now and whatever the American President does affects me greatly, she mailed me three handwritten postcards with the most dreadful vitriol scrawled across. It was only to spare UJ’s publisher, whom she’d also contacted to moan about my opinion, that I didn’t mention her ramblings here----Don’t give your enemies the Oxygen of Publicity, Margaret Thatcher always said. Not out of fear. Hey, Bring It On, Lady---to quote my nasty reader's hero.
So this month I make an exception, because the letter below from an American is surprising, pleasant and his PS gave me the greatest giggle in ages.  March 24, 2007 [by email] Dear Patricia:     I recently came across Union Jack News a couple of months ago, and I must say I enjoy your 'English Use Here' section of your Florida Page. It is very informative, and at times, quite humorous(sorry, being a 'Yank', I have to spell it that way!).    It is also a great etiquette lesson for every American, who wants to know the ways of you Brits living in America. Your section teaches us how to and how not to talk to a Brit. That helps all Anglophile to be on their toes. You are absolutely correct in saying that the expression "IT SUCKS!," or "IT'S HOT!" is so incorrect to the core. It has been a popular expression in America for over 25 years, and it keeps getting worse in its usage. It seems a lot of us Yanks refuse to grow up, because those two expressions are used mostly by teenagers, and most of us Yanks don't want to do that. For shame! Also, your take about the use of "three-fourths" is right on the money, because in American schools teach children and teenagers that "three-fourths" is the most common usage of the term "three-quarters." I must admit that I do use "three-fourths," but I use "three-quarters" more than the former, because it is more proper than "three-fourths." Now, having read your column for sometime, I can now see why a lot of you Brits can't stand the "corruption" of Ye Queen's English in America. But, since us Americans or long-time residents of America prefer directness in our speech patterns, it is a habit that won't change anytime in the near future.
-----My best to you, Mr. D.G. in Reseda, CA
P.S: I absolutely adore that mousey picture of you in your section of Union Jack News. It makes one want to cup your face and kiss many times over. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!! You're very cute!   I also adore the way that frizzy hair of yours adorns your face.

2007   BRITISH CELEBRITIES [and Prime Ministers] love Miami and there’s always a sprinkling of Briterati. Last month Michael Caine, who used to own a home and restaurant here, was spotted out a few times buying luggage and wine on Lincoln Road. Sir Richard Branson often whizzes in. Generally Miami loves them back, except for actor Rupert Everett. The actor used to have an apartment on trendy South Beach and was an involved, part-time resident and gay activist. Deciding to sell up, he proclaimed in his autobiography: “Once you had seen through the appalling amateurishness of South Beach, there was no looking back. You either moved there or got the hell out. Suddenly with total clarity I knew it was time to leave.” The Miami Herald reported his comments, so many in the Magic City are saying Good Riddance to the British celebrity. Rupert, methinks it more amateurish to denounce in print a place that welcomed you, giving Americans the impression that we Brits are ungracious. Simon Cowell already has that job.


ENGLISH LANGUAGE USE here which irks my ears: [Or French in this case!]    Why do Americans use a universally accepted foreign phrase in their speech then mangle it? Cordon Bleu is not Cordon Bloo. The Fontainebleau Hotel Is not Fontainebloo. The latter rankles me on a regular basis, because this landmark hotel, a favourite hangout of Frank Sinatra in the 50’s, is not far from me in Miami Beach. Consequently, its name surfaces in local conversation and TV reports. All Americans and media mis-pronounce it as Fontainebloo. I automatically say Fontainebleau [rhyming with blow], because I have a French degree and that’s the right pronunciation. This results in Americans “correcting” me! I then educate them that the Hotel is named after the beautiful chateau outside Paris and they, not moi, [she said pretentiously!] are wrong. Ditto with Cordon Bleu cookery, named after the famous culinary school in Paris, which I once visited. It’s international ignorance, because even a bricklayer in England would never pronounce Cordon Bleu as Cordon Bloo. The commonly-used French racing term Grand Prix is another example. This should be pronounced Grong Pree. Yet Americans pronounce Grand the English way, and Prix the French way. The only reason they don’t pronounce it as Priks is…well you can guess.

UK-USA Cultural differences:     I’ve noticed that British pensioners in UK are more reluctant to learn the computer than American seniors. In fact, in Florida most seniors use a computer, if only to email photos of the grandchildren. My 80 year-old mother in London refuses to learn how to send an email, even though a Geico caveman can do it. There’s a computer in her house, but still she balks at the idea. Underscoring my point, is a mirthsome report in the London Telegraph: Sir Donald Sinden, the 83 year old British actor with the fruity voice, was always being pressed by his son to communicate by email, instead of phone. “So on a trip to Australia I decided to give it a try,” Sinden told the paper..”I spent three days staring at that bloody screen,but nothing popped up. Eventually my son rang---Dad, why have you been ignoring all my messages? You haven’t been staring at the TV screen instead of the computer have you, he joked. I was too embarrassed to admit that’s exactly what I’d been doing.”

HOW MANY BRITS IN FLORIDA.   Is the frequently-asked question from reporters, Florida agencies, other Brits and Americans, everywhere I go. So herewith the definitive answer: It is impossible to obtain an accurate figure of resident Brits in Florida. British tourists are headcounted on arrival and those figures are available. But British legal residents [and illegal overstays lurking in the Sunshine State] are not. Even if some administrator was paid to do nowt else but track Brits living in Florida it would be like nailing mercury: the figure changes daily. Also, resident Brits are not required to report their movements to officials. They just arrive/set up business/marry/die/leave/stay, all untracked by officials. My British Bureau is the only office maintaining any major database of Florida Brits, done for proprietary business reasons. In 1993, when meeting the UK Ambassador to USA [our top Government official here], I mentioned I was tired of being asked how many Brits in Florida. So what was the official UK Government answer? "Frankly, Patricia, we don't know," he told me, with refreshing candour from a politician. That has not changed in 2007.
> SENDING EMAIL PROTOCOL for Brits doing business in Florida.Comments here last month about Brits not grasping email protocol in the USA, struck a welcome chord with some of you. Due to my work, I receive many emails from newcomer Brits setting up in business in Florida, or trying to. How can you be taken seriously when your professional address is This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it " Obviously I can’t publish real email addresses, but be assured examples used here are almost identical. Or have you created such a cumbersome address, that senders are likely to mis-spell it, creating bounces and time-wasting all round. Example received: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it "> The number of zeros and ones which could be letters is such an e- hurdle. Or one of my business associates uses This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it " with seven zeds, forcing you to slowly count on the monitor before sending. Irksome. If you’re in business, create a simple email showing your fullname or obvious business ID. Avoid numbers 1 and 0 because they can be confused with letters. Don’t use dots or an underscore—why slow the sender down by forcing him to use the shift key? This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it " The address This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it is quicker to type than sally_smith or sally.smith. Think before you create, Mate!
ENGLISH LANGUAGE USE here which irks my ears:   The sheer laziness and paucity of vocabulary that reduces almost all negative and positive comments to either: IT SUCKS. IT’S HOT. There’s a thesaurus of glorious adjectives, which rarely get used. If I hear one more unimaginative American reporter describe every entertainer/trend/event as “hot,” I’ll scream.

< ENGLISH LANGUAGE USE here which irks my ears:Why do Americans say three-fourths instead of three quarters? And pronounce a ladies blouse as blowssse, with a hissing sound? -JANUARY 2007 ISSUE Florida column by Patricia Kawaja MONTHY PYYTHON SHOW COMING TO FT.:LAUDERDALE. Frankly, I couldn't enjoy Python sketches in American accents. But Americans here, who can't seem to talk to us Brits without mentioning Monthy Python [groan], will doubtless flock to see it in Ft. Lauderdale. But will you Brits, with your more sophisticated sense of humour? THE UNITED STATES IMMIGRATION SERVICE [USCIS] has announced improvements in Florida, which will benefit the many Brits still grinding their way through the system. You know that prison-like yellowish Immmigration building on Miam's Biscayne Boulevard, where so many of us Brits have stood for hours awaiting interviews? There was no nearby parking and they had a vicious towing policy for hundreds of us hopeful immigrants. I remember emerging from an INS interview and tearfully scouring seedy parts of Miami for my vanished car. Well that notorious building will be closed, many of you will be thrilled to know. At a Miami press conference before Christmas, Emilio Gonzalez director of USCIS citizenship, announced that infamous building will be replcaed by regional offices around Florida. "Often, the first encounter immigrants have with the fedral government is immigration, "Gonzalez told reporters," and I want that experience to be good. I want a state-of-the-art facility, comfortable with ample parking and security. I don't want a ratty building." Quite. Anyway, he announced brand new regional offices in Orlando, Tampa, Miami and Ft. Lauderdale. By 2008, Miami will have three new facilities, and serve as as pilot programme for the rest of the USA, he said, which if successful will be replicated in other cities with large immigrant populations like New York and Los Angeles. " The move out of the Biscayne Boulevard building is part of a new effort to bring services closer to immigrant communities and thus become more efficient, " Gonzalez said. Not before time, eh? [FIND LATEST INFO: www.uscis.gov/"> MIAMI English rapper Lady Sovereign. I have zero interest in hip-hop so certainly didn't know, much less care, that we Brits had rappers too. Black American male hip-hoppers in clownish clothes was the norm I thought, until I read a review in the Miami Herald. It made me proud to be British in the Nobody- Beats-us-at-Musical-Orginality department. Here's an excerpt from the paper's tough music critic Evelyn McDonnell's piece:A FOUL-MOUTHED PHENOM ...As a petite, white English woman it takes serious nerve for Louise Harmon to get onstage and spit the cockiest, Cockney rap at know-it-all American audiences. Fortunately nerve - along with sheer, bloody talent - is one thing the 20-year-old better known as Lady Sovereign does not lack. The hip-hop phenomenon gave a packed crowd at Miami's Studio A Nightclub [on November 28] repeated glimpses of her extended middle finger, some well-placed Miami insults, and the best, brashest British performance since the Sex Pistols. Her voice was rough and she seemed drunk. She swilled beers and her attitude and attack were ferocious and funny, lashing out at South Florida's image obsessions: "I like my tits, I like my arse," she declared. "It's not about plastic." Performing with her 3-piece Britband, Lady Sovereign gave a collage of English hip-hop tracks and proved that some of the freshest beats these days are from that side of the pond. The self-proclaimed "English Misfit" connected with the American crowd of punks, backpackers and b-boys/b-girls. [Er, what's a b-boy?-PK], even when she sang the patriotic My England.That's an especially British alternative soccer chant, yet still her American audience loved it. By the time she sang her hit Love Me or Hate Me, this young Brit had thoroughly taken over Studio A. How great is that? ENGLISH LANGUAGE USE here which irks my ears: Saying a "Cheater" instead of a "cheat". There is no such word as cheater, only cheetah the animal. Every time I hear a betrayed American wife call her husband a cheater I ask if he has four legs. TAMPA BRITS. ENGLISH LANGUAGE USE here which irks my ears: The widespread use of hyperbole----a particularly American practice. It's annoyed me for years, but what prompted me to write this was the Thanksgiving TV commercial by Honeybaked Ham. "Honeybaked am---the world's best ham" it stated. They even trademarked their unsubstantiated bragline, er tagline: ".....the World's best ham" is now an official part of their logo. This commmercially produced ham may be the best in America, [although I have tasted better local artisan American hams], but the world's best it patently isn't. Nor can it be, unless independent ham-tasters have gone around the world and tabulated their results. That honour, for centuries has gone to Italy's Parma ham or England's superb hams, both acclaimed by independent WORLDWIDE gourmets. What really aggravates me is this American habit of attempting world domination in everything, without conceding there are other countries out there, who have been doing most things better for centuries longer. Except bragging----no other nation beats them at that.
NOVEMBER 2006 There are two questions people pose me more than any other. 1] How many Brits in Florida? See answer to that on www.BritishFlorida.com on the Statistics Page, which I had to create just to address that. 2] Who does the lizard's Cockney voice in the Geico commercials? One American friend was adamant it was Canadian actor Mike Myers faking it, in spite of my insistance that it wasn't. Please, as a Londoner I know purity when I hear it: the utterly athentic delivery and Cockey inflection when the gekko says, with a sigh: "I'm here for for Geico love. Let's not get into my personal life." Trouble was I couldn't tell the American who it was. Now I know: The voice belongs to 35 year old English actor Jake Wood. He is curently starring in The Illusionist movie and you've seen him in British TV shows like Eastenders, Red Dwarf and Doc Martin. [FOOTNOTE: Proving that Americans unabated love of the British accent renders it a favourite Madison Avenue marketing tool, I kept a clipboard next to my TV for the last 2 months, in preparation for this column. Each time I heard a British accent in a TV commercial, I jotted it down. The list: Coors Beer, DHL, Colgate toothbrushes, Airwick, Landrover USA, Cingular Wireless, Softscrub Cleanser, Seiko Watches, Isotoner Gloves, Geico of course, Orbitz Travel, Travelocity, Glade lug-ins, Neutrogena, Samsung electronics, Ross Dress for Less, Van Kempen Investments, Bam Cleaner and Tassimo Coffeemakers].  BEEGEES----BARRY GIBB update. As my regular readers know, the Beegees have lived in Miami Beach for over twenty years. The remaining two musical brothers Barry and Robin have gone their own ways professionally since Maurice's death. Barry Gibb now has a wonderful new website, complete with family and professional photos going back years, a virtual tour of the group's famous Middle Ear recording studio and everything you could want to know about their glorious music past and present. It's one of the best websites I've seen. INFO: www.barrygibb.com AS MANY OF US RESIDENT FLORIDA BRITS HAVE NEXT OF KIN far away it's important we register our emergency contact information. Officials in Florida need to know who to contact if you are seriously hurt or kick your British bucket in an accident. Now the Florida State Department Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles has created a way to do that on its website. Go to www.hsmv.state.fl.us and click on the Emergency Contact Information icon. Enter your Florida's driver's licence number and you'll be prompted to enter two emergency contacts. For those of you trying to create authentic British recipes in your Florida kitchen, there exists a wonderful website. Go to www.greatbritishkitchen.co.uk It is run by the British Food Trust, which says: This web site is a major resource for expats around world who are enthusiasts for British cooking, its past traditions and future potential. Most of the thousands of British recipes here are indeed traditional and, taken together, define the legacy of British Cuisine as it has evolved over the years. BRITISH----AMERICAN CULTURE CORNER:     Any of you over 40 will remember the days when Brits never carried creditcards. We used to mock American tourists with their walletful of plastic charge cards. Few of us lived beyond our means. Buying anything on the "HP" , on "tick" or on credit was looked down on as [ironically] for the poor classes. We were not a materialistic society, like the Americans, we declared snootily. Now, as many official UK studies attest, Brits have become just as addicted to creditcards and buy-it-now-afford-it-later as Americans--worse maybe. Last month Britain's Consumer Credit Counselling Service reported that one of its 56 year old English clients owns 57 creditcards, on which he owes over $650,000. The charity [surprisingly to me] warned that in the UK people in their 50s have the worst debt problems. 

ENGLISH LANGUAGE USE/ABUSE HERE WHICH IRKS ME: This is in my top five of annoying expressions. Saying "You Guys" constantly instead of just "You". It is so prevalent that a foreigner learning English in America might think "youguys" was the actual pronoun. Sir Paul Macartney, no less, gets my goat because he uses it whenever he's in the USA, seemingly to chum up to Americans. Always be yourself, Paul. Scousers don't say "youguys". When he spoke to the NASA astronauts in space, as they woke up to his song Good Day Sunshine, he addressed them as "You Guys, " several times.   

SCAM ALERT BRITS in UK trying to fleece us over here? Very naughty. The Miami Herald Action Line reports emails coming from England sent to one [or more] of its readers trying on the old cashier's cheque scam. You can check out all internet scams and report crooks, British or not, on 2 websites run by the US Government: The FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center www.ic3.gov and the Federal Trade Commission's www.consumer.gov/sentinel/