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UNION JACK NEWSPAPER FLORIDA COLUMNS 2005 by Patricia Kawaja

FLORIDA COLUMN DECEMBER 2005 ISSUE by Patricia Kawaja

Many Florida Brits go back to Britain for Christmas, to get that seasonal atmosphere unattainable from palm trees and beaches. But for the last 15 years, I've always stayed here, for financial reasons frankly and to avoid the awful English flu season. Anyway, this year for the first time ever, my 80 year-old mother is spending Christmas in Florida. "I'm really curious to see what Christmas in America is like," she said. Well I remember my first USA Christmas [1988 in Tennessee], being so stunned by the outrageous gaudiness of giant red velvet bows tied to lamp-posts and houses competing for the most tasteless Christmas tree lights. And it's wildly more over-the-top in 2005, certainly in affluent South Florida, with the over-decorated kitsch malls geared to seduce your dollars, and nary a nod to The Birth of Jesus. [I make a stubborn point of responding "Merry Christmas" to anybody who greets me with the politically correct "Happy Holidays."] Yet I will relish taking Mum to Miami malls to see the "shock and awe" on her face. She's German and they keep Christmas pure, elegant and respectful. Mum, nobody "does" Christmas like the Americans---you won't believe your eyes. BRITISH CELEBRITY GOSSIP MIAMI: Sir Paul McCartney left a good impression in The Big Orange. He stayed at Miami's Ritz-Carlton for a month and the manager told me, when I called there on another matter, that Sir Paul was an exceptionally gracious guest who insisted on shaking hands with each staff member when he [and Heather] left. Knowing that the chambermaids would be bragging forever about meeting Sir Paul McCartney, he took the time out of his day to make theirs. What class. [Especially for a Scouser, tee hee]. But he was surprised at Americans who incorrectly called him Sir McCartney. Indeed. THANKSGIVING. I'm writing this 2 days before the huge annual American holiday. I'm totally for assimilating into the country you adopt, but curious why so many Brits [not married to Americans] feel obliged to make Thanksgiving dinner. This uniquely American-created holiday is when American families sit down to celebrate their ancestors fleeing FROM ENGLAND to escape religious oppression there. Having no American relatives to cook turkey with or for, I just treat the day as any old Thursday. You'll find me at Smith and Wollensky's, as usual, for the greatest steak dinner. AMERICAN RESIDENT in LONDON Gwynneth Paltrow, who of course also has a British husband, has been unfairly villified in the British press for moaning about the poor service everywhere in England. She also complained that the British builders at her home stopped frequently for teabreaks and wouldn't work weekends. In comparison, I see American builders in my neighborhood, working feverishly from 7a.m. till dark, 6 days. She is entitled to complain about dreadful British service because it's true, especially compared to the superb peel-me-a grape standard over here. And most importantly, why should a foreigner there not be allowed to express an opinion? When you're right, you're right---Attagirl, Gwynneth. ANO SENSE OF [SICK] HUMOUR. Attending the Miami International Book Fair recently, the world's largest, there was a Muslim booth selling books about Jihad, Muhammad, the Muslim faith and teachings of the Qur'an. I quipped "Better buy their books so they don't blow us up," to my Brit companions, who giggled. An American who overheard shot me dagger looks. BRITISH CHARITY APPEAL: I remember doing this at school in England, don't you? We used to save our used postage stamps to send to The Royal National Institute of the Blind (RNIB) in Essex. The Volunteer Events Coordinator for the RNIB asked me to publish their appeal here, because they raise more money from foreign stamps. So please forward this to your expat pals around the globe. In Britain, every day 100 Brits start to lose their sight so your support helps rebuild lives devastated by sight loss. The RNIB raises funds for blind and partially sighted people throughout the UK. RNIB are the UK's leading charity offering information, support and advice to over two million people with sight problems. Their pioneering work helps anyone with a sight problem - not just with Braille, talking Books and computer training, but with imaginative and practical solutions to everyday challenges. Money raised by collecting new and used postage stamps also helps to support RNIB Sunshine House School, Northwood, a special school for children who are blind or partially sighted with multiple disabilities. This is a permanent appeal, so postage stamps can be sent at any time of the year. WHAT YOU DO: Cut out used stamps from your envelopes, leaving at least 1/2 an inch around the stamp to prevent damage. [You calso send new stamps too, of course]. Wait till you amass a pile, then send TO: RNIB Stamps Appeal, 20 Bowers Road, Benfleet, Essex, England, SS7 5PZ. Info: Mrs. Terri Bush at RNIB Tel: 011441 268 565646 Email: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it Website: www.rnibstamps.org.uk ENGLISH LANGUAGE ABUSE here which irks my ears: Saying bowtique instead of boutique? I hear it so often on TV and yell "Boo not BOW--it's French!" at the screen. TAMPA WEDU, Florida's largest PBS TV station, is hosting The Brit Wit Pub Party, a British comedy celebration for fans of BBC programming shown on that station. Hosted by the BBC's Julius Cain and Mike Seymour of the Programming Service for Public Television, this pub party includes authentic British food and drink supplied by The Moon Under Water British Tavern, clips of British comedies, with trivia contests and prizes including airline tickets from Delta to New York and two tickets to the Tony Award winning British musical Spamalot on Broadway. DATE: January 20, 2006 starts at 7:00pm- LOCATION: WEDU Studios 1300 North Blvd. Tampa, FL 33607. For tickets [$25 each] call 1-800-354-9338 ext. 2241. DO YOU LOVE RUM? British Author Ian Williams has just published RUM: A Social and Sociable History of the Spirit of 1776. New York-based Williams, who is an expert, connoisseur and owner of much rumabilia, is in Florida for a special book-signing in Miami. He has been a columnist/contributor for s the New York Observer, New York magazine, The Guardian, Financial Times, Telegraph, Observer, Independent, New Statesman, Punch and others. DATE: Book-signing is 8p.m. on Wednesday December 15, 2005 at Books and Books Coral Gables [Miami] Call [305] 442-4408 RICHARD BRANSON puts his aircraft where his mouth is. Always stressing that he puts passenger service first, please note it was Virgin who dispatched an EXTRA Boeing 747 out to Miami to bring Hurricane Wilma-stranded Brits home. The other British airline didn't. England's glorious Royal Philharmonic Orchestra will perform Monday January 9, 2006 at the Jackie Gleason Theatre Miami Beach and January 10 at Palm Beach's Kravis Center. Tickets only from Ticketmaster. INFO only: www.concertfla.org BRITISH PANTO Mother Goose MIKE WINTERS WILL BE STARRING in [and writing] the fourth annual Tradition English Pantomime, starting its South Florida run on December 26. Florida Brits still like to celebrate Boxing Day. Previous pantos were a riot and Brits and American anglophiles coming from miles around to see it, including the Bee-Gees family, local residents. Produced by the terrific British-owned Goldcoast Theatre, owner Jude Parry encourages all local Brits to see the Panto. Premieres Boxing Day at the Broward Center's Amaturo Theatre in Ft. Lauderdale, with other dates in Ft. Lauderdale, Miami Beach and Hollywood till January 14. See website www.britishpanto.org for full details, call Goldcoast Theatre (305) 538-5500 or email Jude This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it NEWS of THE BOOZE: DAVENPORT. The Pub [863] 424-4242, owned by popular and experienced Irish publican Frank Lawlor has just opened in Davenport and is already a hit with local English, Irish, Welsh and Scots who gather there to watch Premier League and enjoy the authentic English and Irish pubgrub. SARASOTA BRITISH CLUB ANNUAL CHRISTMAS PARTY. Good food, Father Christmas, Games, raffles, libations and super British camaraderie. COST: $35.00--$40.00 LOCATION: Stoneybrook Country Club, Sarasota. Tickets and info call Tastefully British Shop [941] 927- 2612 MIAMI Local British musicians will participate in a concert by the Master Chorale of South Florida at Miami's beautiful Trinity Cathedral on Sunday January 15, featuring music by British composer Vaughn Williams. Complete info on www.masterchoraleofsouthflorida.org THE ROYAL NAVAL ASSOCIATION would like to form an all-Florida group, affiliated to the Long Beach California Branch. If interested, contact Scottish organiser Margaret [386] 673-8645 in northeast Florida, email: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it MIAMI : THE BRITISH NETWORK , for anybody who wants to make British contacts. Join British professionals for a useful networking evening----a roomful of Brits is never dull! Hosted by Florida Association of British Business [FABB] FREE. DATE: Tuesdays December 13, 2005 and January 17, 2006 from 6-9p.m. Location: Inside the Doubletree Grand Hotel, downtown Miami at their waterfront Blu Moon Cafe. BOCA RATON---BRITISH NETWORK hosted by FABBDATE: Wednesdays December 14 and January 18, 2006 from 6 to 9p.m. at the Wishing Well Pub, 111 SE15 Mizner Blvd. Boca Raton. COST: FREE Complete info on Miami and Boca meetings on website www.BritishFlorida.com click on BRITISH EVENTS.

FLORIDA COLUMN SEPTEMBER 2005 ISSUE
Like many of you, I'm back from seeing the relatives in the UK. Since London is home I can only afford to stay there once a year. The city that claims my heart is outrageously expensive. There are exactly two things which are cheaper than Florida: birthday cards and English beer--[but that's only because Florida import charges are added to our liquid gold]. I was touched and surprised by all the calls and comments from UJ readers who missed my column, some concerned that something had happened to me. There was a vacation notice on page 14 but many readers apparently missed it. To Dawn at the British Depot Ft Lauderdale, [quite one of the sweetest people on the planet], who left me this voicemail message: "Patricia, I just want you to know how many of our customers picked up the paper and were concerned that you column wasn't there. They are worried about you. Your public loves and awaits you!' Well, who wouldn't want to return to an empty house and be bouyed by a glorious message like that?' So a few traveller's tales and observations, in no particular order. WEATHER: Arriving in central London on July 27 I enjoyed a straight two weeks of glorious sunshine, able to whizz around London in my sister's convertible Volkswagen. England actually gets a real summer now. When I left in 1983, summer was August 3rd at 2.15p.m. London's Metro newspaper reported that the capital's summer temperatures have risen more than any other European capiltal in 30 years, from 69 degrees fahrenheit in the 1970's to 73 degrees in 2005. BOMBINGS: Of course every newspaper carried pages of the still developing story. For once it was one of our vicious tabloids that summed up the true feelings of the nation. Impressed that our most efficient detectives [in the world] had rounded up all 8 home-grown bombers in a matter of days, the Telegraph and Times had restrained headlines like "Superlative work by London police captures bombing suspects." The Sun had nothing but 4 giant words on its front page: WE GOT THE BASTARDS. Superb. The Mail on Sunday columnist Suzanne Moore commented that foreign headlines on July 7 reading "London Burning in Fear, Terror and Panic" were a total stretch. "Not in my pub," she said. "London pubs in Central London on bombings day were "heaving" with Brits drinking as usual and glued to the news on pub TV. Except when George Bush came on. The sound was immediately turned down and booing ensued," she noted. Oh how Brits loathe him. I didn't meet one who had anything but vitriol for the most despised US President ever. THE WEBSITE www.wearenotafraid.com, was started, showing Londoners and others worldwide holding photos captioned We Are Not Afraid. Comforting idea, but The Guardian wrote of another website: www.iamfuckingafraid.com That reveals the true staunch nature of Brits, their columist noted: Black humour in adversity. That website shows photos of tourists at various famous London landmarks with speech balloons saying "We are fucking terrified." Brilliant. If poking fun at terror isn't the British Spirit of the Blitz, said The Guardian, what is? THE TUBE. Travelling defiantly on the Underground, I noted that, due to its international nature, London's carriages were full of dark-skinned young men carrying rucksacks: Turks, Moroccans, Maltese, Armenians, Sikhs, Brazilians you name it. Just hapless tourists fitting the suicide bombers physical profile. So it's impossible to pinpoint/prevent suicide bombers on London's mass transit, methinks. New York would find the same. Coping strategy for Londoners was just to get on and blot it out of your mind. FOXES Looking out of the window of my sister's house in a NE London suburb, I was stunned to see a fox. Stretched out on the lawn, sunbathing like a lazy dog on a sunny afternoon was a beautiful plump red fox complete with bushy tail. "Oh there are actually two of them", she told me. "They're common in London, these days." So much so that a famlily of 3 foxes set up a secret home and lived there for weeks under the floorboards of the Ministry of Defence in Whitehall. The foxes stayed fat and happy for weeks, by sneaking out at night to eat leftover sandwiches and fastfood brought in by MOD workers. POLITICAL CORRECTNESS Originating in America, the strangling red tide pf political correctness has seeped into the British way of life bigtime. Tony Blair's goverment has had a well-documented mission to seemingly legislate Brits into denying their country, origin and thousand year history. So sad, pointless and making older Brits like me white-knuckled angry. New examples are reported every day. to In case it offends Muslims [and others] you are told not to stick a Union Jack flag on your locker at school or work. Said Boris Johnson, MP for Henley and Editor of the Spectator: We seem to have pulled off the own goal of breeding suicide bombers determined to attack the very society that incubated them. And the question is why. Why does America import its suicide bombers, while we produce our own? During our driving holiday there last summer, for a cynical Brit like me it was astonishing to see the way the Americans fly that flag of theirs. On every porch, on every flagpole, on every bumper --there was the Stars and Stripes unabashed, exuberant, proud. Contrast our treatment of the Union flag, which is endlessly cited in UK racial harrassment cases, on the grounds that it is racially provocative. The Americans would be mystified by our approach to our national symbol. For them their flag is a vital agent of integration, a way of asserting that, in that vast immigrant country, each person is not only American but has an equal stake in society. American schools start each day by pledging allegiance to the flag--something our British sensibilities find childish." Well, many British intellectuals believe MORE overt patriotism, flag-waving and pride in our country would integrate and embrace everybody in it. If Muslim immigrants feel connected to their adopted country they're less likely to poop in their own nest. AMERICANS IN LONDON REACTION Our Yankee cousins are not the scaredy-cats they used to be, with travel agents reporting that hardly any were cancelling trips to London, unlike post 9-11 behaviour. Bully for them. Like us, they sadly seem to be taking this now-forever-unsafe world in their stride. Many super American tourists interviewed on UK TV said they loved London, were not afraid and would stand shoulder to shoulder with resilient Londoners. Except for the disgusting spoilt brat Sharon Stone, who let her countrymen down. In London for filming, she fled her $7000 a week rented Belgravia flat to hole up in Elton John's Berkshire mansion instead. "She didn't want to return to central London, considering herself physically at risk", said her publicist. [As if Ms. Stone ever rides the Tube]. She flanked herself with eight 24 hour bodyguards, riding around London only in chauffeured cars. The porter at the London flat diplomatically described her as "very Hollywood." The moment filming was concluded, she rushed back to California. Good riddance. [Actually more American celebrities than ever are BUYING homes in London]. FISH AND CHIPS One of the enduring traditions even Blair can't obliterate, is our classic national dish. I confess that every day I walked [dontcha wish we could walk in Florida?] down to my sister's local chippie. Ah the pure lipsmacking heaven of sitting outside, on a warm London day, munching on a Moby Dick size battered cod and mountain of fat chips, chopped from tasty English potatoes. The memory stays with me still. My sister was aghast at my addiction to fish and chips. Yes, because you just can't get this in Miami. You can take this girl out of London, but you can't take......etc. SOUTH FLORIDA: CALLING BRITISH LADIES age 50 and over in South Florida. You're invited to Let's Have Tea English Tearoom [954] 584-8888 in Davie [southwest Ft. Lauderdale], for their Red Hat Society Event. Join British members of the Red Hat Society for free food, music, gift baskets, palm readings, a 2p.m. hat contest and giggles galore. Date: Saturday September 10, 2005 from Noon to 3p.m. Call Pauline at the Tearoom for details. NEWS OF THE BOOZE: Please email me details if any new British-owned pub opens in your area, so UJ readers can try it. A current list of all Florida's British pubs can be found on www.BritishFlorida.com
MIAMI : THE BRITISH NETWORK , for anybody who wants to make British contacts. Join British professionals for a useful networking evening----a roomful of Brits is never dull! Hosted by Florida Association of British Business [FABB] FREE. DATE: Tuesdays September 13 and Ovctober 11, 2005 from 6-9p.m. Location: Inside the Doubletree Grand Hotel, downtown Miami at their waterfront Blu Moon Cafe. BOCA RATON---BRITISH NETWORK hosted by FABB DATE: Wednesdays September 21 and October 19, 2005 from 6 to 9p.m. at the Wishing Well Pub, 111 SE15 Mizner Blvd. Boca Raton. COST: FREE Complete info on Miami and Boca meetings on website www.BritishFlorida.com click on BRITISH EVENTS.